Have you ever been in the middle of an important conversation and someone checks their iPhone? Or, you are speaking with a friend and a third party walks up. You are not introduced to the newcomer and your friend goes off and has a conversation with her leaving you by yourself. Perhaps, you are sitting in a room of associates and one person specifically calls the name of some others to sit together for lunch overlooking your presence.

There are many examples of inconsiderate behavior. What they all have in common is that you are left feeling invisible, unimportant and hurt. Every class has invisible students. They tend, at least for a while, to cause no trouble, be quiet, introverted or have a difficult home life. The teacher may not even remember their name because they fly under the radar while others are grabbing attention.

As an adult, if your self-esteem is relatively intact, you might be able to remind yourself that you have a loving family that acknowledges and includes you. You may have a good friend who reminds you how special you are. You may think that it is really the other person’s problem and not yours.

Judging yourself and the other favorably is no small task in the best of circumstances. Multiply these uncomfortable feelings for the invisible child and you might just have a serious problem to deal with.

As an educator or principal, first and foremost we need to assure that our student’s develop a sense of self-worth. A lonely student who is treated as though he does not exist will start to behave as though he does not exist. He may space out in class, turn to addictive behaviors to numb his feelings or create a false sense of comfort, act out in order to declare “I exist! Hear me! Recognize me! Acknowledge me!” or stop bothering to show up to school at all.

As the new school year approaches, I recommend that every teacher and principal start off with activities and expectations to assure that no pupil is left behind. Here are a few suggestions:

• The principal should stand at the entrance to the building to start and end each day. Each student should be greeted and receive a good-bye. The teacher should do the same with her classroom. Those daily hellos and good-byes not only build relationships, they are a tip off to someone having a bad day, problems at home (for instance, if a student is not dressed properly for the weather), and a general mood booster. They afford the teacher and principal a moment to offer a compliment and a kind word of encouragement 

• Rotate groups often so different students get to know each other. Assure that everyone has their moment to share. If a child is particularly shy, give them a more “silent” job like distributing papers, organizing supplies, taking attendance, etc. Then, be sure to publicly thank him for a job well done. 

• Switch off asking get-to-know you questions that students need to share publicly and anonymously. For example, have students write down something that they are good at and share it with the group. It could also be a hobby or a particular interest. Another time, have a basket to collect answers to feeling questions so students can put things in without embarrassment. You can ask, “When do you feel left out?” or “What was a hard time in your life?” Students can begin to appreciate that many people go through the same things or that people have been through something challenging and need our love and care. Either the teacher can read out replies or students can take turns randomly reading each others notes. 

• Rather than having students pick groups, do more random choosing. For example, all students with green eyes form a group or, put names in a basket and pull them out to make teams. This way everyone participates and no one is intentionally chosen last. 

• Along those lines, give assignments which encourage students to leave their comfort zone. For example, tell students that they must sit with someone new at lunch or play with someone different during recess. Ask them to look around and if someone seems lonely or sad, try to get them to participate or communicate. 

• Emphasize that everyone has something special to offer. Make a conscience effort to note something special about every student and give work which enhances those strengths. 

There is a lovely book called, “The Invisible Boy”. It is advertised as geared towards grades K-5. However, I think that all classes should read and discuss this book which really connects to how one feels when they are left out. I also came across this short video about the invisible student. Watch until the end.

What practices have you incorporated to assure that no student feels invisible? We’d like to hear from you.